Roll Keyboard: Do Not Putted on the Fire to Roast

Last year at Christmas, my brother received this fantastic gift from my mother. It was a really cool keyboard that could be rolled up and transported easily, as well as it just appeared comfortable and nice.

However, we got far more enjoyment than we had asked for. My brother took a quick glance at the short instructions page. It was just the front and the back, but just about everything on it was a joke. It was written in Engrish.

Page 1:
"Turn on the computer, start the computer system. Find out the USB jack on the front or rear of the computer. The jacks are rectangle, generally 2pcs,arranged as horizontal or vertical: Plug the pin of the keyboard cable into the USB jack. If it is difficult to plug in, turn the pin 180 degree,then re-plug.
"Notes: Do not insert the plug force, if the plug can not comply with the jack.

"The usage norm of the Roll-keyboard
"The Roll-keyboard can be used in below conditions:
"It must be used on an even working face.
"It can be used in the damp environment even shallow water.
"It can be used in the acidity and the alkaline environment.
"It can be used in the temperature of -40C- + 80C.
"It can be used in the dusty environment even sandstorm.
"It can be laundered by alcohol or disinfector."

That was only the first page. The second is much better.

"It cannot be contacted the sharp object
"It cannot be pressed when it was rolled
"It cannot be putted into the oven and putted on the fire to roast
"It cannot be contacted the oil or organic impregnate like acetone and toloul etc
"Cannot places the heavy object on it in long time
"We cannot put out the strength to twist or pull it"

And it goes on to explain in more detailed Engrish.

"Material: Made by high-quality silicone, the keyboard has no poisonous and evil smell, according to the requirement if the environmental protection, it is kind of creative new product.
"Anti-Pollution: In view of the fact it is all seal completely, preventing all kinds of germs and pollutants exiting into the keyboard, and the keyboard's surface can be washed and disinfected any time, so it can prevent the disease infection.
"Watertightness: It can be used for a damp environment, even inside shallow water. It can normally used when beverage or other liquids spilled at the keyboard.
"Acid and Alkaline-proof: The keyboard can be used safely in acid or alkaline environment.
"High dustproof: The keyboard can be used safely in dust fog, and even in sandstorm.
"Carrying convenience: Because the keyboard can be rolled up, so it can save lots of spaces while carrying.
"Other Characteristics:
The special special printing technology guarantees the letter on the buttons of keyboard not to be worn away for a long time.
Feeling soft comfortable
Soft without any sounds while typing
Various beautiful colors
The keyboard is applicable to office; hospital Classroom; workshop; network bar; laboratory; kid room; notebook PC; army; etc."