Sunday, December 13, 2015

MBTI Function Theory For Beginners: It's Not About Your Personality

The benefits and limitations of typing are this: it may assist you to understand what kinds of information you and different people may have perceived, and what you and they may use that information to accomplish. This can be useful. For example, wording things nicely matters more to someone who uses Fe, while being straightforward is best with someone who uses Te; an Ne user may talk for a long time if you get them on a certain subject, but an Se user will get distracted quickly; an Fi user will behave morally for moral's sake while a Ti user will behave morally because it doesn't make sense not to; if presenting a project to one's boss, an Si using boss will want data on what has worked in the past, while an Ni user will just want proof that your project will work in the future. You can't always predict how people will react, but you can be a little more prepared.

Because of the way it works, I prefer to consider MBTI a psychological theory, rather than a personality theory. A lot of things go into your personality, including what you ate for breakfast, but MBTI is about a heierarchy of awarenesses and ways to make decisions which is a bit more specific than personality.

First of all, MBTI isn't just four letters. It's eight functions. The functions each signify a different kind of awareness or decision making process. There are six different kinds of functions, which you may know as the first three letters on any given type. They are as follows:

E (extroversion) - external awareness (takes information/tools from current surroundings)
I (introversion) - internal awareness (consistently builds upon stored information/tools from the past)
S (sensing) - physical/factual awareness (real/concrete information)
N (intuition) - abstract/theoretical awareness (possible/theoretical information)
F (feeling) - emotional awareness and decision making
T (thinking) - logical awareness and decision making

I have written my most succinct descriptions yet of the functions themselves. I also explain what they might look like, though that is more for convenience and clarity and does not apply to everyone who uses the function.

Se: An external physical/factual awareness. Se notices and identifies the bare reality of it's surroundings separate from any abstract interpretation or possibilities. It is only what is. 
May be characterized by a realistic perspective of one's situation, impulsive actions caused by not thinking ahead, or a high level of physical aptitude.

Si: An internal physical/factual awareness. Si notices and identifies the bare reality of it's own being, separate from any abstract interpretation or possibilities. It is what it is according to the internalized facts which it is continually building upon. 
May be characterized by an adherence to longstanding personal tradition, practicality based on known facts, or an awareness of how one's body is working.

Ne: An external abstract/theoretical awareness. Ne notices and identifies the possibilities presented by it's surroundings which may not yet be reality or presented as facts. 
May be characterized by unique theories and concepts, requiring of external mental stimulation, thinking out loud, a deep understanding of complex theories such as language, and distractedness.

Ni: An internal abstract/theoretical awareness. Ni notices and identifies theoretical concepts based upon information already internalized and builds upon it's theories continually as more facts are presented to it to work with. 
May be characterized by in-depth understandings of complex theories and concepts, an ability to see probabilities far in advance (strategic capability), and by processing unconcluded concepts quietly in one's head rather than out loud.

Fe: An external emotional awareness and decision making process. Fe recognizes and utilizes the emotional situation/atmosphere in those around it. 
May be characterized by an easy ability to empathize with others and provide their needs accurately, relief when expressing emotions, emotional manipulation, or an interest in keeping up appearances.

Fi: An internal emotional awareness and decision making process. Fi recognizes and utilizes it's own emotional situation/aura. 
May be characterized by a desire to match outward action to inner convictions, difficulty in changing one's mind about emotional opinions, or application of one's own emotional response to relate to another.

Te: An external logical awareness and decision making process. Te recognizes and utilizes the systems and patterns surrounding it. 
May be characterized by direct language, a quickly perceived understanding of how systems and patterns function to create results, goal-orientation, managerial sense, business sense, financial sense, uninhibited free-flow of opinions, or harsh words.

Ti: An internal logical awareness and decision making process. Ti recognizes and utilizes it's own collection of systems and patterns. 
May be characterized by complex problem-solving, puzzle aptitude, solves problems on own without asking for help, unbiased observation, or difficulty in accepting advice that does not compliment one's idea of logic.

MBTI recognizes sixteen different personality types, each of which arranges those functions in a specific order. This order always puts two functions at the top of the stack that are most important. If we ignore which of those two is dominant, we only have eight types, which makes it easier to explain.

SFJ - Si and Fe - prefers to orient thinking around a lifelong gathering of perceived physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the emotional atmospheres provided by others

SFP - Se and Fi - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the emotional aura/situation one experiences/has experienced

NFJ - Ni and Fe - prefers to orient thinking around it's lifelong gathering of internalized theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the emotional atmospheres provided by others

NFP - Ne and Fi - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the emotional aura/situation one experiences/has experienced

STJ - Si and Te - prefers to orient thinking around a lifelong gathering of perceived physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the external systems and patterns currently presented

STP - Se and Ti - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the web of systems and patterns in which it is constantly building

NTJ -  Ni and Te - prefers to orient thinking around it's lifelong gathering of internalized theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the external systems and patterns currently presented

NTP - Ne and Ti - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the web of systems and patterns in which it is constantly building

Obviously there's a lot more information about how all of the functions work together and so on, but I just wanted to shoot out a basic template of what this theory is about at it's core.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

The Way To Break Yourself

So it is probably pretty obvious from my more recent posts that I have had an emotionally trying time. I've tried explaining it a number of times but usually I am too confused when I think about it, or I get distracted by various details which derail me for multiple pages of a word document. In short though, I used to have some deeply-rooted anxiety issues, probably due to a certain person telling me over and over throughout my life that I wasn't doing enough. 

Over time I decided that the demands on my social life were too much to handle, and around that time this opportunity appeared in which I could escape into a preferred world that existed primarily on the internet. I dove right in without much thought for the consequences. The result was me becoming extra-sensitive, isolated and a little bitter, and eventually that evolved into complete apathy for life in general, except that I freaked out every time I really dwelt upon what I had done to my brain.

This song, therefore, is about losing yourself in your own goals/pleasures/whatever-worldly-things-you-desperately-seek-after to the point where you are numb and no longer even remember how to heal or what it was like to be healthy. For the record, I started feeling normal in the same week that I wrote this song. It's the first time in months I have been truly excited or interested in anything at all.

The Way To Break Yourself 

The way to break yourself 
Is the road to take.
Last year I chose to live my life for my own sake;
I chose to break myself -
Left worries in my wake -
I was done
With the fake;
I was rea-
-dy to break.

The way to break yourself
Is the path to isolation
(We're all sent packing in the face of condemnation).
I chose to break myself
By fencing off creation,
And then lost
And then lost

Excitement bubbled 'neath my placid freckled skin.
My joy was holding back for life to begin.
I thought I'd throw away my caution to the wind.
I sold my ignorance for knowledge of the grim.

The way to break yourself
Is the lifestyle of today.
I chose to sacrifice my soul to live my way.
I meant to heal - not break.
I fell from the ladder.
And then I
Was shattered;
And then I
Was scattered.

Don't run too fast - you're going to break yourself.
Don't hide away - you're going to lose yourself.
If you find your life,
You will lose it.
If you hold too tight,
You'll say, "Just screw it."

The way to fix yourself 
Is too hard to see.
By the time you know you're lost you've met the enemy.
Please help me fix myself -
I want to forget.
Erase my fears of all that I now regret.

Lord help me fix myself.
Lord help me fix myself.
Lord help me fix myself.
Lord help me fix myself.

(When I have a recording I really like, I will add it - so far my best one has outdated lyrics)

Monday, July 6, 2015

Qanna: A Jealous God

The jealous God loves, and wants me. He wants me to be well, to succeed, to be happy. Because he loves all of creation, and because he wants me to grow, he might not always let me be happy, but he does want me to be. Through life, he gives me glimpses of good things so that I can come to understand him a little, like a good father, intelligence, a husband, a mother, a home. With this, I can  obtain a kind of relationship with him. Furthermore, with these things that he made to help us understand, upon my requesting it and desiring to put him above all else, he has endowed me with his spirit. Because he loves me and wants me, with this spirit, he strengthens me, and he helps me. He delights in the truth and wants me to speak it. He despises lies that mask his glory, but tolerates them for our sake. We are broken. We cannot see him fully because we are used to the darkness and he is the sun. I see him now in little pieces. Eventually, I will see him fully, face-to-face, and then I will really know him - I will really know the truth. That is what I want, and that is what I will get.

If another should ever want him in that way, then that is exactly what they will get. God embraces me, holds on to me and as long as I don't want him to let go, he won't. I am soundly tucked in his arms, no matter what might try to pry me out of them. I would sacrifice my most prized possession for him, like he did for me. That is my God. He is strong, and fearless, and true, and right, and patient and jealous because he loves his people. He does not act out, and he has mercy, because he knows we are slaves to our own wills and diseased with habits that eat away at our souls. But he hates those habits because they harm us and pull us away from his life-giving love. Yet for his people, who he helps to come closer, we rejoice in suffering, because it produces endurance, which produces character, which produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that he gave us.

Christ died while we were still weak and broken, yearning for idols, and I was still weak and broken when I met him too. But the fact that he died not for perfect people, but for broken ones just shows how much he honestly cares and loves. We could barely comprehend him, and to behold him frightened us, but with that one act of sacrificial love, he was able to pour himself out and dwell among us, inside of us, so that we can become purified, and when this flesh dies, my soul will be wrapped up inside of his and will not die with my body, nor loosed into the wild to be claimed by other beastly spirits, but will be taken to a place of peace with him. And that love he displayed is what I want to know. That is the epitome of truth. I want to love so much that I would sacrifice anything for it, because love looses all chains. The more I exist in love, the more my priorities clear up, the more purpose I exist in, the more good I can do for the world, the more open to the truth I become, the more gracious I can be, the more hope-giving I can be, the more fearless I can be, and the more enriching I can be.

The truth will one day be revealed and so the seeking of it irrelevant. The future will pass and so the pursuing of it is worthless. The world was made to rot and renew and so beauty is a vain pursuit. Worldly rewards are a figment of the imagination. And so, what others want out of life is their business, but this love is what I want out of life, and the only way I can obtain it is through the God who is jealous for my soul, that he made, and longs to complete in him. That is the good of a jealous God, and that is why I long to continue to pursue him with every fiber of my being.

Monday, May 4, 2015

About Me - My Vanity Post

I have kind of a strange life, I think, so I just feel like explaining my own musings about it in as simple terms as I can. So right here, I'll give you the basic rundown:

I am a Christian INTP, HSP-HSS, Ravenclaw. I also think I'm air, element-wise, but I'll discuss all that in more detail below:

Christian: Before anything else, I am a Christian. This is important to know, because Christian theology says that we are made new and whole in the sight of God when we accept the Holy Spirit in our hearts and truly give everything so he can change us. That sounds like a lot of spiritual garble if you're not a Christian and I understand if it sounds corny, because it's honestly stuff that gets said too often. Sorry to perpetuate it. But it's true. I'm not the same person when I so much as drift from God. The Holy Spirit does a lot of stuff, but it seems like the first and foremost thing it does is change my perspective, and with my perspective changed, the rest of who I am is a little different from the norm.

INTP: This pretty much means I like solving puzzles. Personally, I like to direct my puzzle solving into stories. I take what if scenarios and put them together in the coolest way that I can think of. I like to think abstract, don't share my true self very quickly, but try to be friendly when I'm not too busy being selfish. I am rather philosophical, and I like to create atmospheres for myself to dwell in. I can appear easily distracted, but actually I get hyperfocused on things and often haven't changed subjects with you, or might never have been on the same topic in the first place, because I'm in my head solving puzzles. Sorry about that.

HSP: I am extremely sensitive to my environment. People's moods, lighting and background noise all affect me very strongly. I am easily moved and cry a lot when my INTP self doesn't want me to. I shut down quickly when there is a lot going on, and it can get hard for me to focus, but put me by myself and I'll start to wake up again. If I think much about the struggles another person is going through, I start to feel how I imagine I'd feel in that scenario, or maybe it's how they'd feel, I don't know. But I really can change emotions that quickly. I can usually cry at will because of this. I abhor loud or bright places because I cannot function at highest potential, which is something my INTP side also hates. INTP and HSP don't mix very well.

HSS: HSS is weird with INTP and HSP as well. It means I seek sensation. And I do. I get sick of all the crazy environments, but I love trying new foods, and admit that I like getting colds because it's an excuse to get high off cold medicine (I promise I have the self control not to do it recreationally). I really enjoy engaging in things that move my emotions, as opposed to avoiding them like most INTPs. I like things that make me hurt for someone else, unlike most HSPs who apparently avoid violence and stuff. I understand that I guess, and there are certain things I can't look at (entrails). I also can't kill a bug still because I hear the crunch and stuff, and a tiiny part of me feels bad, but mostly it's just extremely gross to me, more gross even than when it's alive, but I will kill them to get them out of the house. Anyway, back to HSS. I also really like going to new places and driving fast if I feel like I'm not going to kill myself in the process. I love love love roller coasters because I get to move fast. I tend to cater more to my HSP, but both HSP and HSS combined plus God are what give me the inspiration to love my stories as more than just puzzles.

Ravenclaw: For you Harry Potter fans, I am eccentric and weird. I fit nicely into genius Ravenclaw, but I promise everyone will wonder why I'm not a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff the whole time I am there. This is because on the surface I get all politically or religiously passionate, and that is real passion, so it seems like I'm all, "Stand up and do the right thing!" which I kind of am, and I'm also friendly on the outside... until you get to know me. I do care about doing the right thing and I do try to be friendly, but what comes naturally to me is simply puzzle solving, and I like trying to explain complex concepts to people, and I find abstract methods to explain abstract concepts, though I've finally settled just on writing. I would fail classes because I am more focused on different priorities is all. I honestly fit into Slytherin a little better than Hufflepuff because the niceness, while genuine, isn't natural to me. God is the only thing that makes me care about stuff. If it weren't for him I would be dead inside, and I'd have more ambition than true passion.

Air: According to the Avatar: The Last Airbender universe, pretty sure I'd be an Airbender. But I lean water at least. The one I'm sure I'm not is earth, so it stands to reason that I'd be it's opposite. I think air fits me quite nicely. I love my freedom, and kinda just float around. I can get intense, but mostly I'm just eccentric.

I was going to put political stuff, but that is more a result of who I am than an explanation of it. So that's it. Everything I can think of. :)

Saturday, April 18, 2015

A Brief Introduction to MBTI Functional Theory

I've spent a year now studying MBTI and functional theory, and found it extremely difficult to explain. It all works like a puzzle, but if you don't know the correct terminology, or what all of the terms mean, it can get really confusing. So, this is really just a starter, but I have attempted to provide a brief overview of how this all works. I went into as little of detail as I possibly could.

Different Types of Functions
I vs E
Introversion - orients a function inwardly
Extroversion - orients a function outwardly

N vs S
Intuition - makes connections to form abstract ideas
Sensing - orients the physical world to the mind
F vs T
Feeling - deals with interpretation of morals
Thinking - deals with interpretation of efficiency

J vs P
Judging - thinking and feeling orientation
Perceiving - sensing and intuition orientation

What are the Functions,  Then?

Extroverted Intuition - makes connections to form abstract ideas and puts them forth externally

Introverted Intuition - makes connections to form abstract ideas and processes them inwardly

Extroverted Sensing - orients the physical world to the mind and reacts externally

Introverted Sensing - orients the physical world to the mind and processes it internally

Extroverted Feeling - deals with interpretation of morals, and orients them toward benefiting the common good

Introverted Feeling - deals with interpretation of morals, and orients them toward benefiting an individual's wellbeing.

Extroverted Thinking - deals with interpretation of logic, and orients it toward benefiting the common good

Introverted Thinking - deals with interpretation of logic, and orients it toward benefiting the an individual's wellbeing.

How Functions Apply to Personality Theory and Your MBTI Type

The four letters you get are a code for your function preferences. Here's basically how it works
1. The first letter (I vs E) determines if the dominant function is Introverted or Extroverted.
2. The second letter (N vs S) determines which perceiving function a person prefers - iNtuition or Sensing.
3. The third letter (T vs F) determines which judging function a person prefers - Thinking or Feeling.
4. The fourth letter (P vs J) determines whether the person prefers their judging function or their perceiving function.

So, for example, lets look at an INTP for example, since that is mine.
1. According to the first letter, the INTP is an introverted type and will lead with an introverted function.
2. According to the second letter, the INTP prefers intuition over sensing.
3. According to the third letter, the INTP prefers thinking over feeling.
4. The last letter is extremely important however: it determines whether I "prefer" judging or perceiving; in this case, intuition or thinking. This is trickier for introverts however, because in MBTI theory, the J/P preference is more about outward appearance, and therefore it refers to the auxiliary function on introverts, rather than the dominant. So the auxiliary function is the secondary one. Therefore, the INTP leads with Introverted Thinking (a judging function), and secondarily refers to it's extroverted function, Extroverted iNtuition (a perceiving function).

The Functional Stack
Lastly, you need to get the functional stack.

Dominant Function - this is the function a type leads with. This function is the one that is used so much that it annoys everyone else.
Auxiliary Function - this is a person's secondary function. It is usually utilized to people's tolerance, but may be a little excessive as well.
Tertiary Function - this function develops later and its good use is dependent upon its development (like all functions), but is usually used fairly frequently.
Inferior Function - this function is a type's achilles heel, and its lack of use/misuse will probably wreak havoc in a person's life.

An INTP looks like this:
Introverted Thinking
Extroverted iNtuition
Introverted Sensing
Extroverted Feeling

Notice that the tertiary function is the complete opposite of the auxiliary, and that the inferior function is the complete opposite of the dominant. That is how those work. But I'll leave that there because it's a lot to take in.

In short, though, what that order of functions means is this:

The INTP spends much time contemplating and solving philosophical questions and theorizing abstract ideas. INTPs do not share their opinions quickly (though they typically create them immediately), but will brainstorm possibilities with others. INTPs always seek to find the truth, but might not care to utilize their discoveries. To a lesser degree, INTPs internalize their environments before physically interacting with the world around them. They struggle to regard the values of others when it conflicts with their current definition of the truth, yet are also very conscious of and affected by how they are perceived by others.

Where did I get that from?

The INTP spends much time contemplating and solving puzzles and philosophical questions and theorizing abstract ideas. INTPs do not share their opinions quickly (though they typically create them immediately), but will brainstorm possibilities with others. INTPs are most concerned with and will always seek the truth, but might not care to utilize their discoveries. To a lesser degree of prominance, INTPs internalize their environments before physically interacting with the world around them. They can come to greatly enjoy physical means of connecting with one's body, such as yoga or meditation, though keeping up with such tasks is not in their nature. They struggle to regard the values of others when it conflicts with their current definition of the truth, yet are also very conscious of and affected by how they are perceived by others.

The second one is much harder to read, so be thankful I posted it without all of the colors first. I apologize about that, seriously. But I find color-coding helps to make sense of stuff. I will post up a chart here eventually so that you can see the functional stack for any type you are curious about and stuff like that. But yes, the blue there is everything that comes from auxiliary Extroverted INtuition, the green everything from dominant Introverted Thinking, the red from tertiary Introverted Sensing and the violet from inferior Extroverted Feeling.

Friday, April 17, 2015

HSP on an INTP

Before I go grocery shopping, I needed to post something here about Highly Sensitive People (HSP). I don't like the term because I'm a thinker and it makes me feel... weak. But it is a real term, nonetheless, coined by Dr. Aron to describe someone who experiences the external world to a higher degree than others. We are thin-skinned, you may say. Literally, I'm pretty sure (like, we blush more easily and everything).

I've tried several times to express how this works on an INTP, because its weird, and doesn't flow with our mental orientation quite as well as it does on a feeler or a sensor. So here's for trying.

Sensory Stimulation: Like every HSP, this is about the same. I get really exhausted when I am in unfamiliar environments for very long. I can't stand loud noises or bright lights. The textures of certain things can drive me insane, and I pick at all the seams of my clothes because they irritate me. I hate bras. Just putting that out there. Underwires are the devil. I don't have a good sense of smell, but it can still make me throw up in my mouth. I had trouble cleaning up after my mom's dogs when I lived there, because I couldn't look at most of the messes without gagging. Can't stand the scent or taste of turkey, either. I know that one is weird. But yeah. I am very sensitive to things like that.

Can't Stand a Full Schedule: Yes. This is partly due to just being an INP though. But yeah, I have trouble with full schedules because I can't hurry myself. When I do, I panic and mess up. Having a lot to do, I know full well, means that I won't have any time to process things. I can't stand it. If I can't withdraw, I will implode. Or explode. And I mean total withdrawal: I need to be completely alone, and have control over my environment. I really hate being that needy, but I start getting stiff and involuntarily grumpy if I don't have this. I get distracted by every little external sound and can't hone in on anything if there is other stuff going on around me.

Violence: Okay, so this one is interesting. Most HSPs can't stand violence in movies or books or whatever (especially movies) because it just affects them too strongly. We can seriously feel the pain. For some reason, I like feeling the pain. Maybe I'm a little messed up in that way. But I want to truly feel the pain the characters are in. So... I'm okay with violence, though I have been known to look away at times. I can't handle guts though. I really don't like looking at things that have come out of a person's body. That really IS too much. But blood... nah. I want to get as real with everything as possible. Overdone blood and guts though, I can do without. Like I said, I want the reality. I don't like horror movies.

Delicate Taste: I guess? I like softer music, and I don't like things with strong tastes (particularly sugary stuff, unless I've gotten myself addicted). I actually do like some loud music including dubstep (lolz), but I can't listen to it very much because it gives me headaches. I like gentle, softer things. I don't like harsh or bright colors, and over the years, this all gets softer and softer. It's kind of weird, and frustrating. I'm afraid one day I will be that cranky lady telling the kids to turn the music off.

Inner Life: I never really understood what this meant. I'm pretty sure most people think they have a "rich and complex inner life". But whatever. It would be impossible to argue that I don't have a rich and complex inner life. I spend all my day working on puzzles in my head (stories). Or writing. Basically, using my imagination. And organizing it from time to time.

Told I was Sensitive and Shy as Child: Yes. So many times. It's ridiculous how often I was told this, and I didn't like it. It was always said in a way that made me not want to be like that, and like I should fix myself, but I never did. I just found ways to hide it. I grew out of being shy eventually, but I'm definitely still getting more and more sensitive as time goes on. Simultaneously, I become more awkward, but that's mainly because I don't get out much anymore. I'm okay with that. But yes, my mom especially noted how sensitive I was as a kid. I was also pretty serious.

Noticing Subtleties: Ummmm... more than the average INP, I think. Like, for example, many INPs (especially INTPs) don't seem to notice when someone got a new haircut. I'll notice it, but I won't say anything. I also tend to notice small things bothering me (the lights are too bright/too dim, this water tastes like it's been sitting out, that noise in the other room is bothersome, I need this to stop blinking etc). I don't notice many visuals unless they disturb my peace, or are dramatic. And sometimes I'll notice something is different but I can't tell what, so I don't say anything.

Other People's Moods: This is the worst. I like, absorb other people's moods. So if you're angry, I'm angry. If you're sad, I'm sad. But this is a really weird one for an INTP, because it has to do with feels. If my feels are turned off, I can decide I don't care. That usually happens when I was calm beforehand and I decide you are being ridiculous. If I was already somewhat emotional beforehand, I'll probably feel however you do. Be careful if you're angry. That doesn't mean I absorb your opinion. I absorb the mood. So I'll probably be angry at you for being angry in the first place.

Pain Sensitivity: It stands to reason that if I'm sensitive to other sensations, I'm also sensitive to pain. I have been called wimpy on many an occasion. Well, you know what? I can't help it. You know, when I was a kid, my brother used to hit me (not because he was abusive - just sibling stuff), and I could tell when it was hard enough to give me a bruise. Now, I get hit and feel the same level of pain, but there's no bruise. It sucks. And I'm aware of like, everything my body does. I used to be a little bit of a hypochondriac because of it. Now I know it's because I am HSP, but I still behave like I'm sick kinda, because the pain isn't gone just because I know why it's so bad.

Caffeine Sensitivity: HSPs are supposed to be sensitive to caffeine. I actually feel less affected by caffeine than most people. I don't know. I haven't ever been able to tell. Probably because I don't drink very much of it. Most things with caffeine also have a lot of sugar or acid, and so they give me acid reflux and I can't have much anyway.

Easily Moved: Yeah. Normally. This last year, I've explained in previous posts, I have been kind of numb to emotion, but normally, it is really really easy to move me. I never understood why people wouldn't be affected by the complexity of a simple song, or a beautiful sunset. I didn't get why people weren't just washed over with joy when they drove through empty, country hills. And I cry soooooooooooo easily. Normally. That's always been problematic. In first grade, I was called the creative nickname of "crybaby" by one bully. Now I'm curious what her story is and why she was a bully. But yes, I cry a lot.

Conscientious: To a point. INTPs are considered to have "inferior feelings". This means that out of thinking, intuition, sensing and feelings, I just wrote the order of our functions. Feelings come last. Because I feel them, I would argue that I come off almost as nice as an ENTP (whose preferences are: intuition, thinking, feeling, sensing). I usually break this fa├žade with one misplaced comment somewhere. That or I stuff my feels away into a story, so that the person can find out what I REALLY think of them on the day they read the story, if that ever happens. Basically, because I feel the feels of others, I just avoid expressing my reaction if I think they are being overdramatic. Unless I think they can handle or benefit from knowing that I think they need to chill out. My main defense though, is actually to just fully explain myself - over-explain, really - because somehow I developed the notion that if I can just explain everything about the universe and my whole life story and perspective, that the other party will understand. It actually works more often than you'd think, if they don't get bored first. And if they got bored, they probably didn't care all that much, so I'm good. I just feel a little stupid for talking too much.

Easily Startled: Depends. Sometimes I'm so absorbed in what I am doing (INTP) that no one can pull me away, and I'll slowly turn around from what I'm doing and look at you like you're an idiot. If I'm not that absorbed, then yeah, I freak out. I can't do alarms in the mornings either, because I'll get like, a heart attack. Seriously, it'll leave me winded and give me a headache. I'm pretty sure my heart really does skip a beat or something. I hate alarms. I try my best to just go to bed on time. I'm becoming easier and easier to startle.

Notice Discomforts of Others: Yes.... but don't expect me to do anything about it. I kind of expect people to take care of themselves and ask me if they need something I haven't already provided. I'm a bad hostess. If it didn't drain me of energy, sure I'd love to take care of you. But it does drain me of energy because I am an INTP. So you'll need to pipe up.

Expectations and Competition: I hate them both, like a true HSP. As an INTP, I particularly despise social expectations. Competition bothers me because I don't do as well under pressure. And I take a long time to complete things. Timed things are as much the devil as underwire bras. One time on a standardized test, I answered every single science question correctly. But I only got through a third of the section, so I failed. That is retarded. Just saying. Absolutely retarded. So I take a while. I'm thorough, and I am not an idiot. I do not require a win to boost my ego (though it will). I just need to feel like I have skillz. I do best when I convince myself I'm going to lose and that I don't care. It's really hard to get into that mindset, but if I do, then I have a tolerable performance, generally speaking. Expectations are about the same as competition. Let me do mah thang. I'm fine.

Avoid Mistakes and Forgetting stuff: Yeah... I'm more forgiving of myself than I used to be. I'm also more forgetful though. I can't help it anymore. I used to remember everything. Now I actually forget stuff. Ever since I had a bad year (11th Grade) I started to feel permanently fuzzy-brained and I started to lose track of things. It has been better since I have been able to avoid busy settings.

Hunger is Evil: I can't stand being hungry. It disrupts everything. I don't feel like I'm going to die or anything. I just can't do anything but think about how badly I want to eat. Sometimes I get so affected by it, that I can't really even make food. Of course when my blood sugar is low, then I get shaky, but before shaking I get very tired, and it is hard for me to think straight enough to actually cook. I have to eat something before I can cook. I can't imagine how HSPs survived before microwaves and prepackaged food.

Change is Hard: I don't mind change as much as I used to, but changes can really throw me off. I need to get used to a method and an environment before I'm able to relax in it. And of course if I can't relax, I go crazy. Change means a loss of control to some degree. Now I kind of like having some change here and there, but I still have to watch it.

Fast-Paced Environments or Media: I can't always watch fast-paced movies. I will say no to loud, fast-paced movies more often than just for violence, because the noise and stuff gets to me. I don't remember stuff that occurs in fast-paced environments or movies very well because I wasn't given time to process it, and thus, it doesn't affect me all that much and is kind of mind-numbing. Brain overload. I don't like it. I like using brain.

Cartoons: This isn't listed as an HSP thing, but it makes a lot of sense for an HSP as well as an INTP. As an HSP, cartoons are easier to watch because there's usually less detail in them, so less to process. I like cartoons with softer or darker colors, and the more serious, gentle variety like Beauty and the Beast, or certain shoujo animes (like Fruits Basket or Kimi ni Todoke), though as an INTP I also can't help but love stuff like Avatar: The Last Airbender for it's quirkiness.

Phone Calls: This is definitely an introvert hate, but as an HSP too, I hate phones because they make so much noise. The sound of phones bothers me. I also don't want to hear your voice. Texting can be annoying but I've grown more fond of it over the years. I used to think I hated texting too, and that I just would rather see a person in person, but no. I like written communication. I just didn't like pushing buttons on my phone because it wore my fingers out. Phones are loud. Your voice is loud. And fuzzy. I don't like to answer the phone. Do not call me in the morning unless you are dying or something. And make me your last choice because I probably won't answer. Leave me a voicemail. I will listen to it eventually. It is noise, but at least I can prepare first. Phones are the devil too.

Quick Update: So... same "discoverer" of the HSP thing also has been researching HSS - High Sensation Seeking. I appear to resonate with a lot of that as well. So that could account for the appreciating a certain level of realistic violence and stuff. I like going to new, novel places. I just like them to be quiet, and I don't like being in a hurry to get there. I don't really get stir-crazy, but I love exploring, and seeing things from great heights. Roller coasters are my friends. So that throws an interesting aspect into the loop.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

You'd Follow Us to Light the Dark

So the original song always kind of bothered me, just because of the way I saw God being portrayed - distant, cold, harsh. So, I reworked a version that I liked better. Same tune.

Here's the original, and it is a cute song if you ignore the way it talks about God:

And here are my lyrics:

God of mine, some day I will die,
But you’ll be close nearby.
You’ll bring me out of the dark.
The blinding light, of you standing robed in white,
You’ll hold my hand so tight;
Old pain won’t leave a mark.

If Heaven and Earth were lost
To the demons and the frost,
And everlasting life had no bridge to be crossed,
If those of us beside you,
Could not embark,
You’d follow us to light the dark.

Humanity, unforgiving as it can be,
Always got Cs and Ds
Because my head was somewhere else.
Lived in fear, because I forgot to hear,
“Love always hopes; and love
always perseveres.”

If Heaven and Earth were lost
To the demons and the frost,
And everlasting life had no bridge to be crossed,
If those of us beside you,
Could not embark,
You’d follow us to light the dark.

We have seen all that there is to see,
In the words of a wise old king,
“There’s nothing new under the sun.”
If time came now for Christians to bow out,
It’d be nothing to cry about.
We’d be with you very soon,
(Where heaven would bloom.)

If Heaven and Earth were lost
To the demons and the frost,
And everlasting life had no bridge to be crossed,
If those of us beside you,
Could not embark,
You’d follow us to light the dark.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Pajama Pants are Pants Too

I get very bothered with dress codes that eliminate pajama pants, but not sweatpants. What if I made a pair of pants exactly like my pajama pants and called them sweatpants? What would are you going to do now? What makes a pair of pajama pants, pajama pants? The fact that they're worn to bed. But you can't prove I slept in them.

It is important to look at the reasons why something should be wrong before blindly agreeing.

Does the dress code say, "professional only"? Then wear stuff that's professional. PJs aren't professional.

Business casual? Still not acceptable for PJs.

Sweatpants ok? How about short-shorts? Then so are pajamas pants.

Stop the pajama discrimination.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Existentialism versus New Horizons

I have started on several new ventures, which increased pace with the close of others. This month, I quit my job cleaning houses and am now pursuing a career as a fantasy author. I will give you a little teaser summary when I come closer to publishing time, but right now I am just writing another draft. But in the meantime, I want to give a little testimony of what's been going on in my life, and I apologize for the length. Take it as a memoir.

A couple weeks before I quit my job, I began to feel very depressed. In learning about MBTI theory, I've come to the conclusion that it is normal for an INTP to have difficulty interpreting their emotions, so although I recognized I was depressed, I couldn't tell why I was feeling so down, and I began to explore. I will spare you some of the details, but in my observation, the first and foremost reason for my emotional shutdown should be attributed to spiritual warfare. I am about to pursue a career that involves a close study and revelation of the God of the Bible, so it is only natural I would meet his enemy in the field.

It began as pure fear, but I slaughtered that, and things became weird. The weird started right before my original role-play partner went to bootcamp and we ran out of interesting interactions to play through with our current cast of characters. I had been playing my most Biblically-involved epic fantasy characters for the entire year, because she hadn't had the desire to connect with my other characters and I am a pushover.

Understand, normally and before role-play, I inserted new discoveries relating to God into this particular tale (and sometimes the others) as little scenes and scenarios, which blossomed into a full plot. On occasion, I even got new wisdom back out of it. But throughout my year, I had shifted my focus off of God and onto making the role-play interesting. Without God at its very core; at my very core, my story lost its meaning, and without the meaning the role-plays lost their intrigue for me. Still, when we stopped RP at any point, I got depressed and it was easy to pull me back as soon as I started feeling "better". It wasn't her fault, just so you know. It was entirely mine - I had plenty of opportunities to step away and I just didn't.

I spent several months struggling with disconnect from all stories, and without interest in my most self-defining story, I was struggling to connect with anything at all. I couldn't connect to my friends, because my life was role-play. I couldn't connect to my family because my life was role play. I couldn't connect to myself because I had been replaced with role-play. I couldn't connect to my usual interests because I no longer existed. I couldn't connect to my characters because they died without me there to give them life. I couldn't find interest in my faith a couple months after I started skipping church, and now it is hard to get me to go two weeks in a row. I survived okay until my friend was shipped off for the Navy.

And then it turned dark. I was grasping blindly for a purpose and direction, and coming up with nothing but a handful of logical explanations that I could no longer understand. Yet, I could still see hope when I turned my gaze toward heaven, where God was like a silver disc of sun in the sky breaking through dreary storm clouds, and occasionally I did glance.

It was just the other night that I truly learned what was going on. I already knew I was being spiritually attacked, but I didn't know what with, so in the hopes of inspiration and an emotional connection that didn't happen, I purchased some music about Christian life, rather than worship (which is all I have bought in a long time). It may not have fixed things, but it did lead me somewhere. I bought an album called Carrie & Lowell by Sufran Stevens and listened to a song called "The Only Thing". If/when you listen, rest assured, I have never been as low as the author of the song, and I actually don't relate to most of it (but I enjoy it's pretty sounds). The whole album is inspired by the story of how his mother left when he was young, and he found her again but only right before she died. The point where I related was that I was asking myself, "Do I care if I survive this?"

In short, I could tell I was to the point of requiring medication. I was suffering from existentialism. That night it seemed like every time I tried to break through my disconnected state toward the Holy Spirit, I would actually reach something, so I would crumble and cry for a couple minutes, and then snap back behind my detached wall. Things were starting to seem hopeless (not that the idea made me feel anything), except on Monday night I had found a significant connection to something in me while reading some chapters in the book of Matthew. I have always loved Biblical stories, mind you, but never enjoyed reading them from the Bible. For the first time in my life, the only thing I wanted to read was the story of God and his beloved.

So on Tuesday, I knew that comfort was there and it cheered me the entire day, only for me to relapse that night/on Wednesday morning. But while the song on it's own didn't work to make me feel, I was connecting again. First on Monday night, I had connected with God, and then slowly, bits at a time until Wednesday morning, with a character - the one I thought I had been worn out of. Utilizing that connection, I could push off the existentialism into his imaginary psyche, and create something that would make me feel again. This made me a little happy, so I was able to go to sleep Wednesday morning.

New Horizons
Later on Wednesday, I didn't have enough time to be depressed until I got busy writing this, which took all night so I still didn't have time. I'd been wanting to get out this last week, and I'm banning myself from any more Netflix for a while (save one movie that looked uplifting) because I stayed in most of this last weekend to watch Reign and Arrow. Today I am on the road toward something different. 

But before I explain the good news, because I'm not out of the woods just yet, I want to make the effort to tell you why I am not on medication, because some of you may be worried about me.

1) I am not being driven to suicide, cutting, alcohol, or drugs. Just to Netflix, friends, God, my iTunes library, sleeping in too late, staying up too late, and my writing. If I can eliminate the Netflix distraction and control the sleeping pattern, I will be just fine. I do need to fix some things about my current lifestyle, and am making efforts toward it by providing myself with new responsibilities and engagements. This includes a Bible study on the book of Revelation, the notes for which I will be posting up here as I go.

2) This is the second true depression I have ever experienced. Both times had things to cause them. This time, unlike any other time, I have had moments of feeling truly pointless, and struggled to care about it; but my best friend was just shipped away, and with her she took the only thing I could focus on throughout the last year of my life. 

3) I need a full range of emotion - both the highs and the lows - to really get to the roots of my stories. I don't want to sacrifice any emotional movement, because that puts me where I am now: emotionally flatlined. It would be much better to feel, because when I feel I am connected. When I am connected it means that God is moving me beyond motivation and into inspiration. I don't mind being broken, sad or angry if the alternative is immobility. What else should inspire me? It's the broken, sad and angry I want to understand and communicate with in what I write.

But this is the most important thing that has come out of my experience.

You know that Buddhist concept of finding your "center"?
When I found my center, there was nothing in it's crosshairs.

So I am taking a new vantage point and adjusting my scope a little farther out,
in order to aim for something far better than what is within my empty shell.

*My aspirations to write*
*The characters I made up to interpret humanity*
*The stories I made up to interpret the world*
*Living in my extravagant dream house*
*Paying my bills without fear of debt*
*A clean and comfortable home*
*The knowledge that I seek*
*The places I'd like to go*
*A healthy body*
*My life*

I have come to intimately know this about those things that I used to think I wanted so badly:
 Their value is so little that they couldn't move me to want them at all on their own.
Lately, I would throw them all away if it would cause me to feel God moving in me again, and lately, I've been getting a spark.

I now can trudge through this with a little smile on my face because I know there is nothing I want more than to be the beloved character to the author of my soul.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

INTP Care Instructions

Congratulations on finding your very own INTP! Your INTP possesses many features, but please remember that all INTPs are unique and handmade, so some settings and features may vary. Like all people, INTPs come with warnings that may require special attention. Misuse can be dangerous. Please consult your INTP for specifics upon power-up.

-INTP can generally be used for guidance in relationships, the implementation of newfangled ideas, and as talented puzzle-solvers.
-INTP may come with an extra language pack. Please consult your INTP to see if this feature is available.
-INTP is self-sufficient and low-maintenance*
-INTP typically includes a bonus creativity pack. To reap the benefits of this potential gold mine of future entertainment, consult your INTP to see if this option is available, and request creativity pack manual for guidance on how best to cultivate your product's particular specialty.
-INTP can assist with the location of loopholes and contradictory reasoning.
-INTP produces accurate and honest output data in according with accumulated data.
-INTP will process data as long as required before presenting results. In cases where opposing data is exhibited for past conclusions, INTP will reprocess.**
-INTP will host small encyclopedia. Content will vary.
-Formulaic problem solving followed by intensive study, disassembly and reassembly provides opportunity to deliver specific and satisfying results tailored to needs of each individual scenario.
-INTP is considered one of the top solution assistants on the market due to the product's superior ability to think non-stop.
-INTP is equipped with search engine, making use simple and direct, and can be utilized for troubleshooting in most scenarios.

*See warnings
**INTP will not always share results of reprocessed information automatically. Please request information if updated results are needed.

To Power On: INTP will function automatically when charged but may not power down until battery is below 10%.

To Charge: Require no more than 3-6 regularly scheduled social calls per week, including phone calls and appointments to avoid jamming thinklines. INTP will automatically update provisional needs.

Upon Initial Startup: INTP may lag or glitch until logical structures have been detected. INTP may require additional charging during implementation of new logical structures. INTP will provide best results if allowed to discover personal logical structures, in order to orient navigational systems.

To Access: INTP will provide passwords as necessary for user's future use. Software will automatically block detected hacks, and may be unyielding of passwords until user has proven to meet specific standards, which vary based on product.

-For maximum results, do not interrupt INTP while charging. Do not tamper with social schedule less than 48 hours in advance, unless canceling.
-If INTP is low on battery power, do NOT increase demanding social engagements. This may cause INTP to shut down without warning or in some cases, explode.
-INTP may experience insecurity in critical environments. This may cause INTP to shut down without warning or in some cases, explode.
-INTP may be difficult to move.
-INTP may talk for periods longer than desired. If requiring silence, please consult INTP. INTP may be low on battery and require charging.
-Repeated illogical arguments/behaviors or failure of INTP to communicate concept to or receive concept from user may cause INTP to shut down without warning or in some cases, explode. If INTP is behaving irrationally under pretense of being rational, please see reset instructions.
-INTP will be most likely to exhibit glitches, irrational behavior or explosions if not properly charged.
-INTP is not intended to exchange pleasantries or other unnecessary niceties. INTP may comply, however these features are not officially supported and forced compliance may produce poor results. 
-A mentally stimulating environment with adjustable controls will produce maximum results. A bored INTP may cause damage to user's lifestyle. Conversely, an INTP with little control over environment may do the same. 
-INTP may be extremely selfish. In some cases, engagement should be met with equally extreme caution.
-INTP bootup may take more than 24 hours. When provided with adequate time, INTP will be more adequate for engagement.
-INTP may have strong password protection for security purposes. Please be aware that you may not have access to administrative options for some time, if ever. INTP will provide most features without administrative permission.
-INTP may vary in terms of seriousness vs lightheartedness.
-Overcharging may develop unruly INTP. Please consult INTP for charging requirements.
-INTP may exhibit obsessive tendencies. These will transition from one to another with time.
-Due to programming involving the charging habits of your INTP, its hours of activity may be erratic or set to strange times of day, the year, the week, etc.
-Monitoring will prevent best results, and may be damaging to the product.
-Products cannot be tested, as user must locate before use. Products are free-range and handmade. Because product results may vary, testing is not a provided feature. Users must consult available INTPs for specifications regarding details.
-Experimentation on INTPs is illegal in most countries, and ill-advised without administrative permission. Many INTPs may willingly submit for experimentation in exchange for upgrades.
-INTP is a luxury item and not intended as a toy, office equipent, or household appliance. Please consult your product for intended use.
-Use discretion upon providing items of value or of importance to INTP, as it may be misplaced.

To Reset: Do not heavily engage with INTP for 1-30 days. INTP will automatically reset. Please consult your product to determine the proper length of time if reset is desired. Reset time may vary depending on situation. Resetting your INTP will archive emotional data, reboot creativity packs and may contribute to system reboot.

*Your INTP cannot be backed up, so please handle with care*

Thanks to: OneMind, Thedoctorlies, maust, and moonious from for assistance with some changes.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Pros and Cons of Home, Private and Public Schooling

Anyone who knows me, knows I'll tout homeschooling anytime anyone asks me what the "best choice" is. Honestly, while I have a lot of opinions on schooling, homeschooling isn't necessarily for everyone. I'd argue everyone would do well under it, but not everyone has the time or education to do it themselves, and I get that. To those of you who don't know, I have experienced each educational system. I was privately schooled from kindergarten through third grade. From fourth grade through seventh, I was homeschooled, and from eighth through twelfth I was in public school. They each had their pros and cons. You can see my assessments below.

So, I've compiled a list of pros and cons for each. The rankings are just 1-3, 1 being the worst option, 3 being the best. Please be aware that the "public school" option is specific to larger public schools, probably at least 100+ kids per class. Mine had 500+ kids in my class, so the school took care of 1500~ kids a year. That's a pretty huge school. Private schools I'm looking at have significantly smaller classes.


Public School
Education - 1
Parental involvement - 1
Peer relations - dependent (1/2)
Breeding Maturity - 1
Opportunities - dependent (2/3)
Cost - 3
Overall - 1

Private School
Education - dependent (2/3)
Parental involvement - 2
Peer relations - dependent (1/3)
Breeding Maturity - dependent (2/3)
Opportunities - dependent (1/2)
Cost - 1
Overall - 2

Home School/Tutoring
Education - dependent on parent
Parental involvement - 3
Peer relations - dependent (2/3)
Breeding Maturity - 3
Opportunities - dependent on parent
Cost - 2
Overall - 3

Explanations provided below.

Public School
Education - 1
I rated Education a 1, although my public school was really pretty good overall. I'd say if you took the right classes, my school could have ranked up there with private schools. The issue with a public school education is that due to the lack of funds or connections to the school, both parents and kids can take their education less seriously. Furthermore, teachers are paid less, and more likely to go to better, private schools to make their money. The funds are also controlled by the government, who provides less money to schools with low test scores, bringing their funds to pay teachers and buy equipment even lower.

Parental involvement - 1
Parental involvement is more difficult in large public schools, because most likely, you will have too many parents for the school to talk to them all. Teachers might deal with hundreds of students in a single day and simply don't have time for you. Smaller public schools may not find this quite so difficult, but still are not likely to be as involved as private schooling (and obviously not homeschooling)

Peer relations - dependent (1/2)
This is specifically referring to social life involving friends of the same age. Honestly, it depends on the child. Due to the low maturity rating on public schools, kids are more likely to be obnoxious and rambunctious. There is less adult involvement in children's lives, allowing them to create their own mild little "Lord of the Flies" scenarios. Your bullies would probably do better in a homeschool situation with a loving parent, or in the least, a private school, where they are spending more time with other adults and learning how to be one themselves. The weaker children, or very shy children are the same. Your average, friendly child may do best in public school, where they can form healthy relationships with a wide variety of peers.

Breeding Maturity - 1
Obviously this has to be a low score. Again, the lack of adult involvement comes into play here. Kids surrounded by kids learn childish habits, and may not learn to communicate with adults if they are not naturally inclined or otherwise encouraged to do so. A larger number of regulations and rules may inhibit some children from gaining as intrinsic a sense of responsibility.

Opportunities - dependent (2/3)
This is dependent on several factors. The bigger, wealthier the school the more opportunities your child will be provided with. Wealthy schools can afford to have a wider variety of smaller classes, which would be ideal. Larger schools may still have large classes, but they also can provide a wider variety, even if just to get the kids shuffled off to a class for a while. Although opportunities provided outside the school may be a little more difficult to obtain, as a parent may need to speak with several people to get things resolved, public schools are generally eager to assist.

Cost - 3
Naturally, "free" is always a good cost. I would argue, however, that if we simply abolished public schools, the cost of private schools would go down significantly, and you wouldn't be paying for both tuition as well as taxes to send your kid to school. On the other hand, one benefit of public schools, is that your child is perfectly welcome to wear a sweatshirt and jeans with sneakers to school if they so desire, eliminating the cost of a uniform among other things many private schools require.

Overall - 1
Preparing your child for the future is the goal of education. Public schools most certainly have their benefits, and certain schools can be very good. I still heard enough bull in my public school background, however, that I can't even fully condone my own experience. Education and maturity are the two things I would rank most important to your child's future, and with that said, I would suggest parents homeschool if they have the capability, or send their children to private school if they cannot. Public school would be my last choice, if your child simply does not fare well in a private school environment, or homeschooling is not a viable option.

Private School
Education - dependent (2/3)
This score is partly variant on the homeschooling score, as are many other "dependent" scores on here. Education is generally highly rated for private schools, as they can afford to pay better teachers to fill their positions. As smaller schools with a cost, parents, students and teachers are all more invested in the education of a child, and parents are able to be as involved as they wish. This provides a fantastic system to get your kid's education off the ground. Less government involvement means standards are likely more tailored to your own preferences, and usually higher since the school is being paid.

Parental involvement - 2
While obviously not better than homeschooling, parents can typically be very involved. With the threat that a child could be removed from the school, the well-paid school staff is eager to help parents and children if they can. If a child is struggling, the parents are very likely to find out about it due to this ability to concern the school in the welfare of the child.

Peer relations - dependent (1/3)
This is highly dependent on the child. There is no 2 on this one. In any smaller school, be that public or private, it is harder to fit into a "clique". When ostracized, children can become angry or depressed. Parents must be careful to watch to make sure their child fits in with the social structure of their peers, or else seek out other options. Children who are able to fit in with the social structure must be guided in the matter of bullying, but will generally do very well in private school, provided that they are allowed out into the rest of the world often enough to know what it is all about. Oftentimes, when children are released from private schools into the rest of the world, they find it difficult to cope, and making their way into to popular clique in say, a public high school, could lead them down the wrong path. This is particularly troublesome if your child is coming from a religiously backed private school, as the child might feel like they need to prove themselves not "lame" to the other students.

Breeding Maturity - dependent (2/3)
This is dependent on the child, once again. Some children may mature very well in a healthy private school situation. But some classes are better than others. Generally privately schooled children come out very mature, however, the scenario mentioned in the peer relations section is a possibility for others.

Opportunities - dependent (1/2)
This is dependent on several factors. As wealthier schools, private schools may be able to offer a number of smaller, more in depth courses, or even unique opportunities specific to the school. However, the school board is not generally as excited to work with parents on certain things, like disabilities etc. It is harder for a smaller school to accommodate children with different needs or goals with their educations. Some schools, although wealthier than the average public school, are also unable to build up as wide a variety of opportunities.

Cost - 1
This is the most expensive school option, though that does depend on what kind of curriculum a homeschooling parent might buy. Still, one must consider the cost of uniforms, tools not provided by the school, and transportation.

Overall - 2
Private schools can be great, if they're great for the kid. A lot depends on the child and the school you are looking at, but one of the greatest things about private schooling, is you have many different schools to choose from. I would recommend this to parents who do not have enough time to homeschool, but would like to give their children the best education they possibly can. I would also suggest signing your child up for extracurricular to make up for any lack of opportunities, however that may stress some children out, and parents need to be sensitive to their child's mental state.

Home School/Tutoring
Education - dependent on parent
It all depends on you, as the parent. Parents can choose their child's curriculum, and there are some out there to buy. Being able to work one-on-one with your child can help you best understand their learning style. If you are wealthy enough, I would make an argument to bring tutoring back as well. Tutors can fill the same role while parents are away working. Parents can also choose to teach their children in unconventional ways that make more sense, and can work around hectic schedules due to illnesses or traveling jobs, without placing undue stress on the child. This provides a better learning atmosphere and makes schooling more entertaining. There are few cases, though they do exist, in which parents simply do not educate their children. This is illegal, and parents in this situation ought to be sending their children to another schooling option. Most parents who choose to homeschool, however, are very excited about educating their child and are more involved than other teachers.

Parental involvement - 3
Obviously with the parent as the teacher, a child is getting the best of this world. Children with parents as teachers often feel less angry, more loved by parents who are able to be around. Parents also are more likely to be able to connect to their child, as they are family and will know more about their kids. Children with difficulties learning, or medical problems, are better able to get the care they need, while having their education tailored to them. Parents must be disciplined and structured, though there is more flexibility allowed in scheduling. Parents who do not feel qualified to teach can still be heavily involved, even if their child is provided a tutor.

Peer relations - dependent (2/3)
Without the hectic woes of teen life or the difficulties of being a child, children are introduced to the adult world. In this way, they are taught to communicate like adults, with adults, and that doesn't necessarily cause children to be afraid or awkward around their peers, contrary to popular belief. Children who are homeschooled typically come out of homeschooling with a new confidence in themselves that wasn't there in elementary school. It allows children to progress past the social struggles of peer relationships, so when they are presented to peers, they are prepared to present themselves, and not constantly bombarded with various embarrassments of childhood (such as that time they peed their pants, or a stupid comment they once made, etc). Children are cruel, and sometimes its better to just have your kids removed from the front lines. Some kids may require more socialization with peers than others. These children should be placed in extra-curricular activities where they can branch out and make friends, preventing the sense that they are trapped at home. You might be surprised at how much fun a child can have being home schooled, as opposed to being surrounded by other kids all the time!

Breeding Maturity - 3
Home school is a fantastic way to breed maturity in a child. Again, being surrounded by adults, children who are homeschooled are often able to make more mature decisions and join the adult world at a younger age. Their verbiage is often of higher quality, as is their critical thinking. Private school students may be on par with some home schoolers, but even private school children have been surrounded by so many of each other, that they lack the mature front which children more constantly exposed to adults may exhibit.

Opportunities - dependent on parent
Aside from peer relations, this is the other main concern parents have with home schooling. It is usually forgotten that home schooled kids can have all kinds of opportunities not even slightly presented to children who must attend a conventional institution. Parents and tutors can travel, and so school can come on long, educational vacations. Furthermore, parents and tutors can teach kids with disabilities in unconventional ways that suit the child better than a normal school. Kids are able to take piano lessons and more one-on-one courses with others, and can learn at their own pace. A child who learns quickly can pack much more into a day. Kids can be brought together with other home schooling families and learn new things, as well as experience fun with peers. The opportunities all depend on how much effort a parent and/or tutor is willing to put in.

Cost - 2
This also depends on the parent, but can cost less that private school in most situations. Obviously, if you take your kid on vacations solely for educational purposes, pay for expensive curriculums, tutors, and extracurricular activities, then it can easily total up to more than a private school education. I would argue it is much more worth it. Generally, vacations I would argue are also for family fun, however, and shouldn't count as the overall cost. ;)

Overall - 3
If a parent has the time, money, education and/or dedication, home schooling is the best choice. It does indeed require a lot out of the adults involved, however, so this decision cannot be taken lightly. You want to give your kids the world? Home school. You want to give them as much as you can but don't have the time? Tutor. Still don't have the money? Private. Last choice, public. There isn't anything terrible about sending your kid to public school - sometimes it is the best option and that really depends on the family (money, social issues, disabilities, etc are all more than acceptable excuses to send your child to public school). But if you can, I would highly recommend giving home schooling a shot. You might learn something in the process too!