MBTI Function Theory For Beginners: It's Not About Your Personality

The benefits and limitations of typing are this: it may assist you to understand what kinds of information you and different people may have perceived, and what you and they may use that information to accomplish. This can be useful. For example, wording things nicely matters more to someone who uses Fe, while being straightforward is best with someone who uses Te; an Ne user may talk for a long time if you get them on a certain subject, but an Se user will get distracted quickly; an Fi user will behave morally for moral's sake while a Ti user will behave morally because it doesn't make sense not to; if presenting a project to one's boss, an Si using boss will want data on what has worked in the past, while an Ni user will just want proof that your project will work in the future. You can't always predict how people will react, but you can be a little more prepared.

Because of the way it works, I prefer to consider MBTI a psychological theory, rather than a personality theory. A lot of things go into your personality, including what you ate for breakfast, but MBTI is about a heierarchy of awarenesses and ways to make decisions which is a bit more specific than personality.

First of all, MBTI isn't just four letters. It's eight functions. The functions each signify a different kind of awareness or decision making process. There are six different kinds of functions, which you may know as the first three letters on any given type. They are as follows:

E (extroversion) - external awareness (takes information/tools from current surroundings)
I (introversion) - internal awareness (consistently builds upon stored information/tools from the past)
S (sensing) - physical/factual awareness (real/concrete information)
N (intuition) - abstract/theoretical awareness (possible/theoretical information)
F (feeling) - emotional awareness and decision making
T (thinking) - logical awareness and decision making


I have written my most succinct descriptions yet of the functions themselves. I also explain what they might look like, though that is more for convenience and clarity and does not apply to everyone who uses the function.

Se: An external physical/factual awareness. Se notices and identifies the bare reality of it's surroundings separate from any abstract interpretation or possibilities. It is only what is. 

May be characterized by a realistic perspective of one's situation, impulsive actions caused by not thinking ahead, or a high level of physical aptitude.

Si: An internal physical/factual awareness. Si notices and identifies the bare reality of it's own being, separate from any abstract interpretation or possibilities. It is what it is according to the internalized facts which it is continually building upon. 

May be characterized by an adherence to longstanding personal tradition, practicality based on known facts, or an awareness of how one's body is working.

Ne: An external abstract/theoretical awareness. Ne notices and identifies the possibilities presented by it's surroundings which may not yet be reality or presented as facts. 

May be characterized by unique theories and concepts, requiring of external mental stimulation, thinking out loud, a deep understanding of complex theories such as language, and distractedness.

Ni: An internal abstract/theoretical awareness. Ni notices and identifies theoretical concepts based upon information already internalized and builds upon it's theories continually as more facts are presented to it to work with. 

May be characterized by in-depth understandings of complex theories and concepts, an ability to see probabilities far in advance (strategic capability), and by processing unconcluded concepts quietly in one's head rather than out loud.

Fe: An external emotional awareness and decision making process. Fe recognizes and utilizes the emotional situation/atmosphere in those around it. 

May be characterized by an easy ability to empathize with others and provide their needs accurately, relief when expressing emotions, emotional manipulation, or an interest in keeping up appearances.

Fi: An internal emotional awareness and decision making process. Fi recognizes and utilizes it's own emotional situation/aura. 

May be characterized by a desire to match outward action to inner convictions, difficulty in changing one's mind about emotional opinions, or application of one's own emotional response to relate to another.

Te: An external logical awareness and decision making process. Te recognizes and utilizes the systems and patterns surrounding it. 

May be characterized by direct language, a quickly perceived understanding of how systems and patterns function to create results, goal-orientation, managerial sense, business sense, financial sense, uninhibited free-flow of opinions, or harsh words.

Ti: An internal logical awareness and decision making process. Ti recognizes and utilizes it's own collection of systems and patterns. 

May be characterized by complex problem-solving, puzzle aptitude, solves problems on own without asking for help, unbiased observation, or difficulty in accepting advice that does not compliment one's idea of logic.


MBTI recognizes sixteen different personality types, each of which arranges those functions in a specific order. This order always puts two functions at the top of the stack that are most important. If we ignore which of those two is dominant, we only have eight types, which makes it easier to explain.

SFJ - Si and Fe - prefers to orient thinking around a lifelong gathering of perceived physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the emotional atmospheres provided by others

SFP - Se and Fi - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the emotional aura/situation one experiences/has experienced

NFJ - Ni and Fe - prefers to orient thinking around it's lifelong gathering of internalized theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the emotional atmospheres provided by others

NFP - Ne and Fi - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the emotional aura/situation one experiences/has experienced

STJ - Si and Te - prefers to orient thinking around a lifelong gathering of perceived physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the external systems and patterns currently presented

STP - Se and Ti - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented physical/factual information and make decisions based upon the web of systems and patterns in which it is constantly building

NTJ -  Ni and Te - prefers to orient thinking around it's lifelong gathering of internalized theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the external systems and patterns currently presented

NTP - Ne and Ti - prefers to orient thinking around currently presented theoretical concepts and make decisions based upon the web of systems and patterns in which it is constantly building

Obviously there's a lot more information about how all of the functions work together and so on, but I just wanted to shoot out a basic template of what this theory is about at it's core.

The Way To Break Yourself

So it is probably pretty obvious from my more recent posts that I have had an emotionally trying time. I've tried explaining it a number of times but usually I am too confused when I think about it, or I get distracted by various details which derail me for multiple pages of a word document. In short though, I used to have some deeply-rooted anxiety issues, probably due to a certain person telling me over and over throughout my life that I wasn't doing enough. 

Over time I decided that the demands on my social life were too much to handle, and around that time this opportunity appeared in which I could escape into a preferred world that existed primarily on the internet. I dove right in without much thought for the consequences. The result was me becoming extra-sensitive, isolated and a little bitter, and eventually that evolved into complete apathy for life in general, except that I freaked out every time I really dwelt upon what I had done to my brain.

This song, therefore, is about losing yourself in your own goals/pleasures/whatever-worldly-things-you-desperately-seek-after to the point where you are numb and no longer even remember how to heal or what it was like to be healthy. For the record, I started feeling normal in the same week that I wrote this song. It's the first time in months I have been truly excited or interested in anything at all.

The Way To Break Yourself 

The way to break yourself 

Is the road to take.

Last year I chose to live my life for my own sake;

I chose to break myself -

Left worries in my wake -

I was done

With the fake;

I was rea-

-dy to break.

The way to break yourself

Is the path to isolation

(We're all sent packing in the face of condemnation).

I chose to break myself

By fencing off creation,

And then lost

Sensation;

And then lost

Elation.

Excitement bubbled 'neath my placid freckled skin.

My joy was holding back for life to begin.

I thought I'd throw away my caution to the wind.

I sold my ignorance for knowledge of the grim.

The way to break yourself

Is the lifestyle of today.

I chose to sacrifice my soul to live my way.

I meant to heal - not break.

I fell from the ladder.

And then I

Was shattered;

And then I

Was scattered.

Don't run too fast - you're going to break yourself.

Don't hide away - you're going to lose yourself.

If you find your life,

You will lose it.

If you hold too tight,

You'll say, "Just screw it."

The way to fix yourself 

Is too hard to see.

By the time you know you're lost you've met the enemy.

Please help me fix myself -

I want to forget.

Erase my fears of all that I now regret.

Lord help me fix myself.

Lord help me fix myself.

Lord help me fix myself.

Lord help me fix myself.

(When I have a recording I really like, I will add it - so far my best one has outdated lyrics)

Qanna: A Jealous God

The jealous God loves, and wants me. He wants me to be well, to succeed, to be happy. Because he loves all of creation, and because he wants me to grow, he might not always let me be happy, but he does want me to be. Through life, he gives me glimpses of good things so that I can come to understand him a little, like a good father, intelligence, a husband, a mother, a home. With this, I can  obtain a kind of relationship with him. Furthermore, with these things that he made to help us understand, upon my requesting it and desiring to put him above all else, he has endowed me with his spirit. Because he loves me and wants me, with this spirit, he strengthens me, and he helps me. He delights in the truth and wants me to speak it. He despises lies that mask his glory, but tolerates them for our sake. We are broken. We cannot see him fully because we are used to the darkness and he is the sun. I see him now in little pieces. Eventually, I will see him fully, face-to-face, and then I will really know him - I will really know the truth. That is what I want, and that is what I will get.

If another should ever want him in that way, then that is exactly what they will get. God embraces me, holds on to me and as long as I don't want him to let go, he won't. I am soundly tucked in his arms, no matter what might try to pry me out of them. I would sacrifice my most prized possession for him, like he did for me. That is my God. He is strong, and fearless, and true, and right, and patient and jealous because he loves his people. He does not act out, and he has mercy, because he knows we are slaves to our own wills and diseased with habits that eat away at our souls. But he hates those habits because they harm us and pull us away from his life-giving love. Yet for his people, who he helps to come closer, we rejoice in suffering, because it produces endurance, which produces character, which produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that he gave us.

Christ died while we were still weak and broken, yearning for idols, and I was still weak and broken when I met him too. But the fact that he died not for perfect people, but for broken ones just shows how much he honestly cares and loves. We could barely comprehend him, and to behold him frightened us, but with that one act of sacrificial love, he was able to pour himself out and dwell among us, inside of us, so that we can become purified, and when this flesh dies, my soul will be wrapped up inside of his and will not die with my body, nor loosed into the wild to be claimed by other beastly spirits, but will be taken to a place of peace with him. And that love he displayed is what I want to know. That is the epitome of truth. I want to love so much that I would sacrifice anything for it, because love looses all chains. The more I exist in love, the more my priorities clear up, the more purpose I exist in, the more good I can do for the world, the more open to the truth I become, the more gracious I can be, the more hope-giving I can be, the more fearless I can be, and the more enriching I can be.

The truth will one day be revealed and so the seeking of it irrelevant. The future will pass and so the pursuing of it is worthless. The world was made to rot and renew and so beauty is a vain pursuit. Worldly rewards are a figment of the imagination. And so, what others want out of life is their business, but this love is what I want out of life, and the only way I can obtain it is through the God who is jealous for my soul, that he made, and longs to complete in him. That is the good of a jealous God, and that is why I long to continue to pursue him with every fiber of my being.

About Me - My Vanity Post

I have kind of a strange life, I think, so I just feel like explaining my own musings about it in as simple terms as I can. So right here, I'll give you the basic rundown:

I am a Christian INTP, HSP-HSS, Ravenclaw. I also think I'm air, element-wise, but I'll discuss all that in more detail below:

Christian: Before anything else, I am a Christian. This is important to know, because Christian theology says that we are made new and whole in the sight of God when we accept the Holy Spirit in our hearts and truly give everything so he can change us. That sounds like a lot of spiritual garble if you're not a Christian and I understand if it sounds corny, because it's honestly stuff that gets said too often. Sorry to perpetuate it. But it's true. I'm not the same person when I so much as drift from God. The Holy Spirit does a lot of stuff, but it seems like the first and foremost thing it does is change my perspective, and with my perspective changed, the rest of who I am is a little different from the norm.

INTP: This pretty much means I like solving puzzles. Personally, I like to direct my puzzle solving into stories. I take what if scenarios and put them together in the coolest way that I can think of. I like to think abstract, don't share my true self very quickly, but try to be friendly when I'm not too busy being selfish. I am rather philosophical, and I like to create atmospheres for myself to dwell in. I can appear easily distracted, but actually I get hyperfocused on things and often haven't changed subjects with you, or might never have been on the same topic in the first place, because I'm in my head solving puzzles. Sorry about that.

HSP: I am extremely sensitive to my environment. People's moods, lighting and background noise all affect me very strongly. I am easily moved and cry a lot when my INTP self doesn't want me to. I shut down quickly when there is a lot going on, and it can get hard for me to focus, but put me by myself and I'll start to wake up again. If I think much about the struggles another person is going through, I start to feel how I imagine I'd feel in that scenario, or maybe it's how they'd feel, I don't know. But I really can change emotions that quickly. I can usually cry at will because of this. I abhor loud or bright places because I cannot function at highest potential, which is something my INTP side also hates. INTP and HSP don't mix very well.

HSS: HSS is weird with INTP and HSP as well. It means I seek sensation. And I do. I get sick of all the crazy environments, but I love trying new foods, and admit that I like getting colds because it's an excuse to get high off cold medicine (I promise I have the self control not to do it recreationally). I really enjoy engaging in things that move my emotions, as opposed to avoiding them like most INTPs. I like things that make me hurt for someone else, unlike most HSPs who apparently avoid violence and stuff. I understand that I guess, and there are certain things I can't look at (entrails). I also can't kill a bug still because I hear the crunch and stuff, and a tiiny part of me feels bad, but mostly it's just extremely gross to me, more gross even than when it's alive, but I will kill them to get them out of the house. Anyway, back to HSS. I also really like going to new places and driving fast if I feel like I'm not going to kill myself in the process. I love love love roller coasters because I get to move fast. I tend to cater more to my HSP, but both HSP and HSS combined plus God are what give me the inspiration to love my stories as more than just puzzles.

Ravenclaw: For you Harry Potter fans, I am eccentric and weird. I fit nicely into genius Ravenclaw, but I promise everyone will wonder why I'm not a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff the whole time I am there. This is because on the surface I get all politically or religiously passionate, and that is real passion, so it seems like I'm all, "Stand up and do the right thing!" which I kind of am, and I'm also friendly on the outside... until you get to know me. I do care about doing the right thing and I do try to be friendly, but what comes naturally to me is simply puzzle solving, and I like trying to explain complex concepts to people, and I find abstract methods to explain abstract concepts, though I've finally settled just on writing. I would fail classes because I am more focused on different priorities is all. I honestly fit into Slytherin a little better than Hufflepuff because the niceness, while genuine, isn't natural to me. God is the only thing that makes me care about stuff. If it weren't for him I would be dead inside, and I'd have more ambition than true passion.

Air: According to the Avatar: The Last Airbender universe, pretty sure I'd be an Airbender. But I lean water at least. The one I'm sure I'm not is earth, so it stands to reason that I'd be it's opposite. I think air fits me quite nicely. I love my freedom, and kinda just float around. I can get intense, but mostly I'm just eccentric.

I was going to put political stuff, but that is more a result of who I am than an explanation of it. So that's it. Everything I can think of. :)

A Brief Introduction to MBTI Functional Theory

I've spent a year now studying MBTI and functional theory, and found it extremely difficult to explain. It all works like a puzzle, but if you don't know the correct terminology, or what all of the terms mean, it can get really confusing. So, this is really just a starter, but I have attempted to provide a brief overview of how this all works. I went into as little of detail as I possibly could.


Different Types of Functions

I vs E
Introversion - orients a function inwardly

Extroversion - orients a function outwardly

N vs S
Intuition - makes connections to form abstract ideas

Sensing - orients the physical world to the mind
F vs T

Feeling - deals with interpretation of morals

Thinking - deals with interpretation of efficiency

J vs P

Judging - thinking and feeling orientation

Perceiving - sensing and intuition orientation

What are the Functions,  Then?

Extroverted Intuition - makes connections to form abstract ideas and puts them forth externally

Introverted Intuition - makes connections to form abstract ideas and processes them inwardly

Extroverted Sensing - orients the physical world to the mind and reacts externally

Introverted Sensing - orients the physical world to the mind and processes it internally

Extroverted Feeling - deals with interpretation of morals, and orients them toward benefiting the common good

Introverted Feeling - deals with interpretation of morals, and orients them toward benefiting an individual's wellbeing.

Extroverted Thinking - deals with interpretation of logic, and orients it toward benefiting the common good

Introverted Thinking - deals with interpretation of logic, and orients it toward benefiting the an individual's wellbeing.

How Functions Apply to Personality Theory and Your MBTI Type
The four letters you get are a code for your function preferences. Here's basically how it works
1. The first letter (I vs E) determines if the dominant function is Introverted or Extroverted.
2. The second letter (N vs S) determines which perceiving function a person prefers - iNtuition or Sensing.
3. The third letter (T vs F) determines which judging function a person prefers - Thinking or Feeling.
4. The fourth letter (P vs J) determines whether the person prefers their judging function or their perceiving function.

So, for example, lets look at an INTP for example, since that is mine.
1. According to the first letter, the INTP is an introverted type and will lead with an introverted function.
2. According to the second letter, the INTP prefers intuition over sensing.
3. According to the third letter, the INTP prefers thinking over feeling.
4. The last letter is extremely important however: it determines whether I "prefer" judging or perceiving; in this case, intuition or thinking. This is trickier for introverts however, because in MBTI theory, the J/P preference is more about outward appearance, and therefore it refers to the auxiliary function on introverts, rather than the dominant. So the auxiliary function is the secondary one. Therefore, the INTP leads with Introverted Thinking (a judging function), and secondarily refers to it's extroverted function, Extroverted iNtuition (a perceiving function).

The Functional Stack
Lastly, you need to get the functional stack.

Dominant Function - this is the function a type leads with. This function is the one that is used so much that it annoys everyone else.
Auxiliary Function - this is a person's secondary function. It is usually utilized to people's tolerance, but may be a little excessive as well.
Tertiary Function - this function develops later and its good use is dependent upon its development (like all functions), but is usually used fairly frequently.
Inferior Function - this function is a type's achilles heel, and its lack of use/misuse will probably wreak havoc in a person's life.

An INTP looks like this:
Introverted Thinking
Extroverted iNtuition
Introverted Sensing
Extroverted Feeling

Notice that the tertiary function is the complete opposite of the auxiliary, and that the inferior function is the complete opposite of the dominant. That is how those work. But I'll leave that there because it's a lot to take in.

In short, though, what that order of functions means is this:

The INTP spends much time contemplating and solving philosophical questions and theorizing abstract ideas. INTPs do not share their opinions quickly (though they typically create them immediately), but will brainstorm possibilities with others. INTPs always seek to find the truth, but might not care to utilize their discoveries. To a lesser degree, INTPs internalize their environments before physically interacting with the world around them. They struggle to regard the values of others when it conflicts with their current definition of the truth, yet are also very conscious of and affected by how they are perceived by others.

Where did I get that from?

The INTP spends much time contemplating and solving puzzles and philosophical questions and theorizing abstract ideas. INTPs do not share their opinions quickly (though they typically create them immediately), but will brainstorm possibilities with others. INTPs are most concerned with and will always seek the truth, but might not care to utilize their discoveries. To a lesser degree of prominance, INTPs internalize their environments before physically interacting with the world around them. They can come to greatly enjoy physical means of connecting with one's body, such as yoga or meditation, though keeping up with such tasks is not in their nature. They struggle to regard the values of others when it conflicts with their current definition of the truth, yet are also very conscious of and affected by how they are perceived by others.

The second one is much harder to read, so be thankful I posted it without all of the colors first. I apologize about that, seriously. But I find color-coding helps to make sense of stuff. I will post up a chart here eventually so that you can see the functional stack for any type you are curious about and stuff like that. But yes, the blue there is everything that comes from auxiliary Extroverted INtuition, the green everything from dominant Introverted Thinking, the red from tertiary Introverted Sensing and the violet from inferior Extroverted Feeling.

HSP on an INTP

Before I go grocery shopping, I needed to post something here about Highly Sensitive People (HSP). I don't like the term because I'm a thinker and it makes me feel... weak. But it is a real term, nonetheless, coined by Dr. Aron to describe someone who experiences the external world to a higher degree than others. We are thin-skinned, you may say. Literally, I'm pretty sure (like, we blush more easily and everything).

I've tried several times to express how this works on an INTP, because its weird, and doesn't flow with our mental orientation quite as well as it does on a feeler or a sensor. So here's for trying.

Sensory Stimulation: Like every HSP, this is about the same. I get really exhausted when I am in unfamiliar environments for very long. I can't stand loud noises or bright lights. The textures of certain things can drive me insane, and I pick at all the seams of my clothes because they irritate me. I hate bras. Just putting that out there. Underwires are the devil. I don't have a good sense of smell, but it can still make me throw up in my mouth. I had trouble cleaning up after my mom's dogs when I lived there, because I couldn't look at most of the messes without gagging. Can't stand the scent or taste of turkey, either. I know that one is weird. But yeah. I am very sensitive to things like that.

Can't Stand a Full Schedule: Yes. This is partly due to just being an INP though. But yeah, I have trouble with full schedules because I can't hurry myself. When I do, I panic and mess up. Having a lot to do, I know full well, means that I won't have any time to process things. I can't stand it. If I can't withdraw, I will implode. Or explode. And I mean total withdrawal: I need to be completely alone, and have control over my environment. I really hate being that needy, but I start getting stiff and involuntarily grumpy if I don't have this. I get distracted by every little external sound and can't hone in on anything if there is other stuff going on around me.

Violence: Okay, so this one is interesting. Most HSPs can't stand violence in movies or books or whatever (especially movies) because it just affects them too strongly. We can seriously feel the pain. For some reason, I like feeling the pain. Maybe I'm a little messed up in that way. But I want to truly feel the pain the characters are in. So... I'm okay with violence, though I have been known to look away at times. I can't handle guts though. I really don't like looking at things that have come out of a person's body. That really IS too much. But blood... nah. I want to get as real with everything as possible. Overdone blood and guts though, I can do without. Like I said, I want the reality. I don't like horror movies.

Delicate Taste: I guess? I like softer music, and I don't like things with strong tastes (particularly sugary stuff, unless I've gotten myself addicted). I actually do like some loud music including dubstep (lolz), but I can't listen to it very much because it gives me headaches. I like gentle, softer things. I don't like harsh or bright colors, and over the years, this all gets softer and softer. It's kind of weird, and frustrating. I'm afraid one day I will be that cranky lady telling the kids to turn the music off.

Inner Life: I never really understood what this meant. I'm pretty sure most people think they have a "rich and complex inner life". But whatever. It would be impossible to argue that I don't have a rich and complex inner life. I spend all my day working on puzzles in my head (stories). Or writing. Basically, using my imagination. And organizing it from time to time.

Told I was Sensitive and Shy as Child: Yes. So many times. It's ridiculous how often I was told this, and I didn't like it. It was always said in a way that made me not want to be like that, and like I should fix myself, but I never did. I just found ways to hide it. I grew out of being shy eventually, but I'm definitely still getting more and more sensitive as time goes on. Simultaneously, I become more awkward, but that's mainly because I don't get out much anymore. I'm okay with that. But yes, my mom especially noted how sensitive I was as a kid. I was also pretty serious.

Noticing Subtleties: Ummmm... more than the average INP, I think. Like, for example, many INPs (especially INTPs) don't seem to notice when someone got a new haircut. I'll notice it, but I won't say anything. I also tend to notice small things bothering me (the lights are too bright/too dim, this water tastes like it's been sitting out, that noise in the other room is bothersome, I need this to stop blinking etc). I don't notice many visuals unless they disturb my peace, or are dramatic. And sometimes I'll notice something is different but I can't tell what, so I don't say anything.

Other People's Moods: This is the worst. I like, absorb other people's moods. So if you're angry, I'm angry. If you're sad, I'm sad. But this is a really weird one for an INTP, because it has to do with feels. If my feels are turned off, I can decide I don't care. That usually happens when I was calm beforehand and I decide you are being ridiculous. If I was already somewhat emotional beforehand, I'll probably feel however you do. Be careful if you're angry. That doesn't mean I absorb your opinion. I absorb the mood. So I'll probably be angry at you for being angry in the first place.

Pain Sensitivity: It stands to reason that if I'm sensitive to other sensations, I'm also sensitive to pain. I have been called wimpy on many an occasion. Well, you know what? I can't help it. You know, when I was a kid, my brother used to hit me (not because he was abusive - just sibling stuff), and I could tell when it was hard enough to give me a bruise. Now, I get hit and feel the same level of pain, but there's no bruise. It sucks. And I'm aware of like, everything my body does. I used to be a little bit of a hypochondriac because of it. Now I know it's because I am HSP, but I still behave like I'm sick kinda, because the pain isn't gone just because I know why it's so bad.

Caffeine Sensitivity: HSPs are supposed to be sensitive to caffeine. I actually feel less affected by caffeine than most people. I don't know. I haven't ever been able to tell. Probably because I don't drink very much of it. Most things with caffeine also have a lot of sugar or acid, and so they give me acid reflux and I can't have much anyway.

Easily Moved: Yeah. Normally. This last year, I've explained in previous posts, I have been kind of numb to emotion, but normally, it is really really easy to move me. I never understood why people wouldn't be affected by the complexity of a simple song, or a beautiful sunset. I didn't get why people weren't just washed over with joy when they drove through empty, country hills. And I cry soooooooooooo easily. Normally. That's always been problematic. In first grade, I was called the creative nickname of "crybaby" by one bully. Now I'm curious what her story is and why she was a bully. But yes, I cry a lot.

Conscientious: To a point. INTPs are considered to have "inferior feelings". This means that out of thinking, intuition, sensing and feelings, I just wrote the order of our functions. Feelings come last. Because I feel them, I would argue that I come off almost as nice as an ENTP (whose preferences are: intuition, thinking, feeling, sensing). I usually break this façade with one misplaced comment somewhere. That or I stuff my feels away into a story, so that the person can find out what I REALLY think of them on the day they read the story, if that ever happens. Basically, because I feel the feels of others, I just avoid expressing my reaction if I think they are being overdramatic. Unless I think they can handle or benefit from knowing that I think they need to chill out. My main defense though, is actually to just fully explain myself - over-explain, really - because somehow I developed the notion that if I can just explain everything about the universe and my whole life story and perspective, that the other party will understand. It actually works more often than you'd think, if they don't get bored first. And if they got bored, they probably didn't care all that much, so I'm good. I just feel a little stupid for talking too much.

Easily Startled: Depends. Sometimes I'm so absorbed in what I am doing (INTP) that no one can pull me away, and I'll slowly turn around from what I'm doing and look at you like you're an idiot. If I'm not that absorbed, then yeah, I freak out. I can't do alarms in the mornings either, because I'll get like, a heart attack. Seriously, it'll leave me winded and give me a headache. I'm pretty sure my heart really does skip a beat or something. I hate alarms. I try my best to just go to bed on time. I'm becoming easier and easier to startle.

Notice Discomforts of Others: Yes.... but don't expect me to do anything about it. I kind of expect people to take care of themselves and ask me if they need something I haven't already provided. I'm a bad hostess. If it didn't drain me of energy, sure I'd love to take care of you. But it does drain me of energy because I am an INTP. So you'll need to pipe up.

Expectations and Competition: I hate them both, like a true HSP. As an INTP, I particularly despise social expectations. Competition bothers me because I don't do as well under pressure. And I take a long time to complete things. Timed things are as much the devil as underwire bras. One time on a standardized test, I answered every single science question correctly. But I only got through a third of the section, so I failed. That is retarded. Just saying. Absolutely retarded. So I take a while. I'm thorough, and I am not an idiot. I do not require a win to boost my ego (though it will). I just need to feel like I have skillz. I do best when I convince myself I'm going to lose and that I don't care. It's really hard to get into that mindset, but if I do, then I have a tolerable performance, generally speaking. Expectations are about the same as competition. Let me do mah thang. I'm fine.

Avoid Mistakes and Forgetting stuff: Yeah... I'm more forgiving of myself than I used to be. I'm also more forgetful though. I can't help it anymore. I used to remember everything. Now I actually forget stuff. Ever since I had a bad year (11th Grade) I started to feel permanently fuzzy-brained and I started to lose track of things. It has been better since I have been able to avoid busy settings.

Hunger is Evil: I can't stand being hungry. It disrupts everything. I don't feel like I'm going to die or anything. I just can't do anything but think about how badly I want to eat. Sometimes I get so affected by it, that I can't really even make food. Of course when my blood sugar is low, then I get shaky, but before shaking I get very tired, and it is hard for me to think straight enough to actually cook. I have to eat something before I can cook. I can't imagine how HSPs survived before microwaves and prepackaged food.

Change is Hard: I don't mind change as much as I used to, but changes can really throw me off. I need to get used to a method and an environment before I'm able to relax in it. And of course if I can't relax, I go crazy. Change means a loss of control to some degree. Now I kind of like having some change here and there, but I still have to watch it.

Fast-Paced Environments or Media: I can't always watch fast-paced movies. I will say no to loud, fast-paced movies more often than just for violence, because the noise and stuff gets to me. I don't remember stuff that occurs in fast-paced environments or movies very well because I wasn't given time to process it, and thus, it doesn't affect me all that much and is kind of mind-numbing. Brain overload. I don't like it. I like using brain.

Cartoons: This isn't listed as an HSP thing, but it makes a lot of sense for an HSP as well as an INTP. As an HSP, cartoons are easier to watch because there's usually less detail in them, so less to process. I like cartoons with softer or darker colors, and the more serious, gentle variety like Beauty and the Beast, or certain shoujo animes (like Fruits Basket or Kimi ni Todoke), though as an INTP I also can't help but love stuff like Avatar: The Last Airbender for it's quirkiness.

Phone Calls: This is definitely an introvert hate, but as an HSP too, I hate phones because they make so much noise. The sound of phones bothers me. I also don't want to hear your voice. Texting can be annoying but I've grown more fond of it over the years. I used to think I hated texting too, and that I just would rather see a person in person, but no. I like written communication. I just didn't like pushing buttons on my phone because it wore my fingers out. Phones are loud. Your voice is loud. And fuzzy. I don't like to answer the phone. Do not call me in the morning unless you are dying or something. And make me your last choice because I probably won't answer. Leave me a voicemail. I will listen to it eventually. It is noise, but at least I can prepare first. Phones are the devil too.

Quick Update: So... same "discoverer" of the HSP thing also has been researching HSS - High Sensation Seeking. I appear to resonate with a lot of that as well. So that could account for the appreciating a certain level of realistic violence and stuff. I like going to new, novel places. I just like them to be quiet, and I don't like being in a hurry to get there. I don't really get stir-crazy, but I love exploring, and seeing things from great heights. Roller coasters are my friends. So that throws an interesting aspect into the loop.

You'd Follow Us to Light the Dark

So the original song always kind of bothered me, just because of the way I saw God being portrayed - distant, cold, harsh. So, I reworked a version that I liked better. Same tune.

Here's the original, and it is a cute song if you ignore the way it talks about God:

And here are my lyrics:


God of mine, some day I will die,
But you’ll be close nearby.
You’ll bring me out of the dark.
The blinding light, of you standing robed in white,
You’ll hold my hand so tight;
Old pain won’t leave a mark.

If Heaven and Earth were lost
To the demons and the frost,
And everlasting life had no bridge to be crossed,
If those of us beside you,
Could not embark,
You’d follow us to light the dark.

Humanity, unforgiving as it can be,
Always got Cs and Ds
Because my head was somewhere else.
Lived in fear, because I forgot to hear,
“Love always hopes; and love
always perseveres.”

If Heaven and Earth were lost
To the demons and the frost,
And everlasting life had no bridge to be crossed,
If those of us beside you,
Could not embark,
You’d follow us to light the dark.

We have seen all that there is to see,
In the words of a wise old king,
“There’s nothing new under the sun.”
If time came now for Christians to bow out,
It’d be nothing to cry about.
We’d be with you very soon,

(Where heaven would bloom.)

If Heaven and Earth were lost
To the demons and the frost,
And everlasting life had no bridge to be crossed,
If those of us beside you,
Could not embark,
You’d follow us to light the dark.