Sunday, December 6, 2015

The Way To Break Yourself

So it is probably pretty obvious from my more recent posts that I have had an emotionally trying time. I've tried explaining it a number of times but usually I am too confused when I think about it, or I get distracted by various details which derail me for multiple pages of a word document. In short though, I used to have some deeply-rooted anxiety issues, probably due to a certain person telling me over and over throughout my life that I wasn't doing enough. 

Over time I decided that the demands on my social life were too much to handle, and around that time this opportunity appeared in which I could escape into a preferred world that existed primarily on the internet. I dove right in without much thought for the consequences. The result was me becoming extra-sensitive, isolated and a little bitter, and eventually that evolved into complete apathy for life in general, except that I freaked out every time I really dwelt upon what I had done to my brain.

This song, therefore, is about losing yourself in your own goals/pleasures/whatever-worldly-things-you-desperately-seek-after to the point where you are numb and no longer even remember how to heal or what it was like to be healthy. For the record, I started feeling normal in the same week that I wrote this song. It's the first time in months I have been truly excited or interested in anything at all.

The Way To Break Yourself 

The way to break yourself 
Is the road to take.
Last year I chose to live my life for my own sake;
I chose to break myself -
Left worries in my wake -
I was done
With the fake;
I was rea-
-dy to break.

The way to break yourself
Is the path to isolation
(We're all sent packing in the face of condemnation).
I chose to break myself
By fencing off creation,
And then lost
And then lost

Excitement bubbled 'neath my placid freckled skin.
My joy was holding back for life to begin.
I thought I'd throw away my caution to the wind.
I sold my ignorance for knowledge of the grim.

The way to break yourself
Is the lifestyle of today.
I chose to sacrifice my soul to live my way.
I meant to heal - not break.
I fell from the ladder.
And then I
Was shattered;
And then I
Was scattered.

Don't run too fast - you're going to break yourself.
Don't hide away - you're going to lose yourself.
If you find your life,
You will lose it.
If you hold too tight,
You'll say, "Just screw it."

The way to fix yourself 
Is too hard to see.
By the time you know you're lost you've met the enemy.
Please help me fix myself -
I want to forget.
Erase my fears of all that I now regret.

Lord help me fix myself.
Lord help me fix myself.
Lord help me fix myself.
Lord help me fix myself.

(When I have a recording I really like, I will add it - so far my best one has outdated lyrics)

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